Life of Addiction, A Journey to Submission
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
If I could sum up one word to describe what addiction is, I would say “Exhausting” Physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, spiritually there is nothing more exhausting than feeding the addiction, serving the addiction, seeking the addiction and exercising the addiction. Addiction doesn’t need a friend, it can go it alone. Once addiction has its grip on your life, you belong to addiction. You isolate, make excuses, seek revenge, fear, hate, envy, strive for different, are helpless, hopeless, feel pathetic, become dishonest, spiteful, disengaged. Exhausted, kicked in the teeth, play the victim enough that eventually you find yourself in the only position that is left. On the ground, on your knees, begging for different.
The largest hurdle to recovery is recognizing you cannot do anything on your own accord. That life has become a dull ache, a mere existence, mediocre at best. I once found myself here. Begging for my life to end. For something to change. I simply could not take committing to one more New Year’s Eve resolution only to break it within a week. I had an answer, I would end my life.
Desperation is a gift. It’s a driver to get you somewhere you never thought you would go. The destination is the ground. Recognizing that you are nothing but a human being just like everyone else in need of something bigger than yourself to save yourself from the pitiful existence you find yourself in.
Admission that your life is unmanageable and that you are powerless over that which you have devoted what seems to be your entire existence is humiliating and finding yourself down on your knees, arms stretched out, palms up begging for better is a gift. It will either be difficult or will come easy. Either way, it is necessary to move forward. Admitting that your life is unmanageable in every way becomes the driving force to seek a different way.
Step 1 Admitting I am powerless over that which consumes my thoughts, determines my actions, delivers my outcomes, keeps me isolated, lonely, full of fear, acting often as a victim or living with a posture of arrogance and that my life is entirely unmanageable.
Now what? Where to go? What to do? Feeding an addiction and all the behaviors developed insidiously over the years has squeezed out all healthy thinking and habit. Who will even want to help ?
There are people desperate to help you. Desperate to show you a way of living with Joy, Peace and Calm. We desperately want to help you because we are you. We were once downtrodden, tormented, fearful, lonely. We desire to show you there is a promise and a hope for better tomorrows for us all.
Step 2 Come and believe that there is Someone greater than all humankind who can and will give you better than you could ever imagine.
“I have come to give you life and to give you life abundantly.” John 10:10
But how? How can I possibly surrender to this Someone you ask? How is it that Someone could possibly know all my hurt, anguish, pain? The answer lies in the question. Someone. Perhaps the correct question should be “Can you tell me who this Someone is, I need to know” and in this question you can trade your bankrupt, exhausted life for the Creator of the Universe.
Trade your addiction for the promises of God.
Step 3 Believing in greater than yourself, greater than you can imagine and committing to allowing this “Greater Someone” to direct your steps along life’s pathway is the essence of a Freedom which always was intended to be the foundation of your life.
He loves you. He wants you. He desires you. He pursues you. Stop running. Stop. Just stop.
Step 1 Stop. Give up.
Step 2 See better
Step 3 Choose better
Three simple steps. Another way to look at it is this way.
Step 1 I cannot
Step 2 He can
Step 3 I give Him my life and let Him lead me daily
Steps 1 through 3 can come quickly to some and yet be a struggle for others. The admitting that life is unmanageable is finally understood and accepted but admitting that Someone or something could possibly be an answer for a problem that revolves around and solely involves your ego is entirely a different proposition. Hear me in this. Until you realize that God is that Someone who can and will take what is unmanageable and make it manageable. Until you realize that you need to give up the driver’s seat of your life and allow God to Captain and you to sit in the rear seat, you will continue to battle with the addiction(s) that grip your existence. Because really that’s what you have isn’t it? An existence? Can we agree that the life you live even after experiencing Step 1 is just that, an existence. True living is not what a person addicted experiences. No, rather addiction causes people to slip into an abyss. That abyss is merely an existence.
To understand that Someone else has the answers for your life is humbling. To acknowledge that that same Someone is wanting to take control of your life from you can be frightening when all you have known is controlling your own environment, your life, your choices (which really isn’t even true is it? Once addicted, the choices becomes few and far between because every choice made is a choice to get you to feed the beast of your addiction)
That’s it. That’s all. There is no easier and no more difficult a task than submitting your will to your Heavenly Father. He loves you. He adores you. He is crazy about you. You are unique to Him. You have gifts and talents that He is waiting to help you use. He has been waiting for you. He is the answer to all your struggles.
Step 1 – 3 Give up, Give in, Follow Him
Ask and you shall receive and your joy will be complete. John 16:24
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32
Jesus answered “I am the Way the Truth and the Light.” John 14:6
I need help. You need help. We all need help.
Better together…..YogaFaith Community.
Steps 1 – 3 Morning Prayer Playlist;
- Your Gonna Be OK Jenn Johnson
- ABBA by Jonathan David Hessler, Melissa Hessler
Child’s Pose Inhale 1…..2…..3……..Exhale 1…..2…..3…… Cycle ten breaths
Table Top Inhale 1….2…..3………Exhale 1…..2……3……Cycle ten breaths
Seated hands in prayer, head bowed Inhale 1…..2…..3…..Exhale 1…..2…..3…..Cycle ten breaths
Meditate for remainder of time to this brief playlist.
If any one who happens along this reading feels the need to email or call me please do so. Life is messy, I get it.
Barb, [email protected]
Join Me and Michelle Thielen at our next YogaFaith 12 Step and Recovery Certification Weekend May 3-5, 2019 Tacoma, WA